


The Things We Never Say

by Kachess



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Characters to be added when they appear, Hanahaki Disease, I haven't written in ages how do I tag?, In which Yusuke has the disease, M/M, Phantom Thieves get mentioned, Pining, Tags be added with later chapters, and everything goes wrong from there, hanahaki, not a happy fic, not sure where this will end, spoilers in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 05:25:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11247207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kachess/pseuds/Kachess
Summary: Sometimes we say things we shouldn't.Sometimes we don't say things we should.And sometimes, words aren't enough.





	The Things We Never Say

**Author's Note:**

> Imagine not writing a single piece of serious fiction for 7 years, then stumbling into a fandom, acquiring a new OTP, learning abour Hanahaki disease and having the greatest urge to do anything valuable for the fandom.
> 
> Congrats, you are me.
> 
> Ever since I learned Hanahaki was a thing (if you don't know what it is -> [Hanahaki Disease](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hanahaki%20disease)) I got obsessed with the thought of writing my own Shukita fic for it. I know this is like the third? but I really needed to write this. It turned out a bit longer as expected, it was originally planned as one shot but now it's chaptered oops.
> 
> For the flower language, I am trying to use Hanakotoba wherever possible, but the information on the internet are scarce and so I propably have to use more common meanings as well. 
> 
> I also can't promise regular updates. The fic is still a WIP and while I try to update soon, the might be unforseeable circumstances that keep me from writing. I apologize in advance.
> 
> English is not my nativ language. So if there's anything that sounds weired please, please let me know.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this!

It started in June.

Yusuke didn't notice them at first, the small blue petals that hid in the depths of his futon sheets after a night full of bad dreams. The incident of last month still haunted him in the back of his mind and in the dark hours of sleep like malevolent demons, dancing and teasing, letting him relive the events in the dazzling golden-colored hell that was his former mentors Palace in frightening detail. 

The sound of Madarames voice echoing in his head, laughing and declaring his cruel schemes so carefreely, the feeling of his nails scraping over the raw stone floor hard enough to draw blood and the menacing pain when he ripped the fox mask off his face, the image of the wretched artists Shadow turning into a grotesque, revolting painting and the heat of the battle crawling through his whole body, the rush of adrenaline and rage mixed together into a cocktail fueling his blood with a strength he never knew he had, it was all just as vivid and real in his dreams as it had been in the Metaverse.

The first week after the Phantom Thieves defeated Madarames Shadow, Yusuke ended up awake from this dream every night, drenched in sweat and gasping for air as if he had just received a blow to his ribcage. He was scared. Scared that what they did was the wrong choice, scared that their actions did nothing at all to Madarame or more than they had intended, scared of the prospect what would await them if their plan failed. His head had started painting all the possible outcomes if his mentor didn't have a change of heart like the others were convinced he would and he didn't want any of them to happen. 

But each of these nights, there was also a small light in his room, a blinking LED on his smartphone indicating a new text message. 

_Morgana fell asleep on my stomach and I think he's trying to suffocate me. Definitely cutting down on his sushi. Hope you get some sleep at least._

_Sojiro almost caught me making lock picks, what's he doing in the café at this hour anyways? See you tomorrow._

_You didn't seem so happy today, is everything alright? Text me if you want to talk about it._

They weren't long, they weren't anything special, but just looking at the characters and knowing there was someone out there genuinely concerned for his well-being was enough to calm Yusuke down. Today was no exception.

_You know you can still come over and stay at my place, right?_

He sat up a bit, eyes squinting at the too bright screen, and mused over how to decline that offer in the politest way. A part of him wanted to just say yes and leave this shack that felt like a prison now more than ever as quickly as possible. But if his mentor really had a change of heart and would commit to all his crimes in a similar fashion that PE teacher from Shujin did, it would cause too much suspicion if his last pupil moved out mere weeks before. The police would definitely question him about the situation and this would be a rather difficult action to explain. And despite the offer he just received, Yusuke knew their leader was aware of this. Still, the consideration did enough to help him find his way back to sleep.

\---

After the press conference and Madarames arrest, the nightmares became fewer only to be replaced by concerns about the future. The relief that everything worked out fine didn't last long since Yusuke was now faced with the struggle to take care for himself and manage a life on his own. Thanks to his scholarship, he was able to leave his former residence at last, but the dormitories felt anything but home. He just felt out of place. 

School life was no different. If the people had rarely talked to him at school before due to his, what they called it, eccentric behavior, it seemed like they just straight out avoided him now. Greetings were rushed and eye contact averted, but Yusuke could feel them stare when he wasn't looking, could hear their whispers behind his back when they thought he was absorbed in his work. Pretending not to notice was easy, not being affected by it impossible. 

What distracted him were his newfound comrades. They almost met daily, to discuss their next actions as Phantom Thieves or to just hang around. He really enjoyed being in their company, it was a nice change to his usual monotonous life. Ryuji was loud and a tad obnoxious at times, but also a genuinely good person who didn't think twice to help those in need. Ann was carefree and a bit clumsy, but also kind and working hard for her goals and friends. Morgana could be quite demanding and a know-it-all, but he was a reliable navigator and a clever strategist. And Akira, while being reserved and a little plain, radiated a composure truly fitting for a leader, a quick thinker and willing to listen to people's problems without hesitation. Yusuke thought they were truly remarkable.

\---

A week after he had moved, Yusuke found himself lying on the couch in their leaders attic, arms crossed behind his head and staring at the dark attic ceiling. The smell of coffee and curry lingered in the air and now he knew why Akira seemed to carry that scent around with him wherever he went. 

In the morning, he had been convinced he left the dormitories for good, but talking with everyone over the hot pot made him realize that maybe he had to change his view on the world and people too. The dorms may be loud and his room wasn't exactly spacious, but it also offered an opportunity to broaden his horizon. He just needed to get accustomed to it.

Still, Yusuke was glad he could spend the night at LeBlanc to clear his head. The atmosphere in the café and even the attic was oddly calming and he envied Akira a little that he was able to experience it every day. 

An irritated growl followed by a surprised yelp - or was it a mew? - made Yusuke turn his head to look at the bed where Akira and Morgana were resting. The room was too dimly lit to make out what exactly was happening but he could hear a lot of what he identified as the shuffling of bedsheets.

"Don't just lift me up like that Akira, you idiot! I almost attacked you and you know how sharp my claws are." 

Morgana let out an annoyed hiss.

"Still better than people finding out I was being suffocated in my sleep. By my pet cat."

Akira was muttering under his breath but there was a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"Hey, did you just call me fat?" 

The cats voice was louder this time, earning him a shushing sound from the boy.

"Be quiet or he'll hear us!"

"Please, pay me no heed. I don’t mind listening to your argument."

Yusuke wondered if he did something wrong as the two voices abruptly fell silent. He sat up a bit in hopes to better see the two figures on the other side of the room, to no avail. Finally, a sigh.

"Sorry Yusuke. We didn't meant to wake you."

"I haven't fallen asleep yet so don't worry about it."

Another pause. Then, hushed words he didn't understand, followed by a low thud and the sound of paws trotting sleepily in direction of the stairs, fading into nothingness eventually. Yusuke could hear the sheets shifting again and if he wasn't mistaken, Akira had just hoisted himself up into a sitting position as well. Even if the light wasn't enough to perceive any details, he was sure the others eyes were resting on him.

"Is everything alright with you, Yusuke?"

There was a concern in his voice Yusuke didn't quite fathom.

"I am doing fine, yes, I was merely sorting some things out before reclining to sleep."

"Well, I meant this more in a general sense. A lot of things have happened to you lately, but you rarely talk about it. The police have been questioning you, haven't they?" 

Ah, so that's his reason.

"Why yes. But they have only been asking me trivial questions about sen- Madarame and if the claims he made on TV were indeed true. They've also been asking about the Phantom Thieves, of course, but I doubt they figured out I am one of them. I haven't given them a reason to doubt me."

This earned him a low chuckle and Yusuke wondered what about his statement had been so entertaining. Sometimes, Akira was a mystery to him. 

"Glad to hear that, I was fearing they were pressing you or something. The police had been rather crude when they were questioning me. But I guess that's because they thought I am a criminal."

There was a small pause and something tied in Yusukes guts. Of course, Akiras encounter with the police must have been anything but pleasant.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to evoke such distressful memories."

"It's ok, no need to apologize. I've just become wary about everything involving the police."

Akira sighed and Yusuke wondered if it really was ok, but wasn't able to inquire on the matter any further as Akira quickly changed the subject.

"So, you're really good? You know, if there's anything on your mind, you can always tell me." 

"Well, if you put it like that, may I ask a question?"

"Sure."

"Why do you have such a strong fixation on my well being? I noticed this ever since we defeated Madarames Shadow, you've been asking these questions even though I assured you I was fine. Do you not believe me?"

"NO! No... that's not how I meant it. Sorry if I was bothering you."

"You weren't bothering me. I am just curious as to why you'd go out of your way to do this for me."

"Well, because we're friends, of course. And you learned a lot of things in the past weeks. As in, life changing things. I mean, you have to look out for yourself now even though you never really learned how. It’d be normal if everything was just a bit too much. I am just worried about you, that's all."

This time it was Yusuke who fell silent. There was this feeling again, the same he had in the nights when he received Akiras text messages. Yusuke didn't really know what it was, but it was a warm feeling that spread inside of him and made his stomach feel a bit tingly. What he knew though was how grateful he was for Akiras words and his concern.

"I see. Thank you very much, Akira, I really apprechia-"

It came of nowhere. His hand flew to his his mouth on it's own accord to muffle the sound as he began coughing violently, his body forcefully trying get out whatever got stuck in his respiratory tract. He leaned forward, then back to find a position where it was easier to breath between chokes when he felt a hand patting him firmly on the back. Yusuke looked up to see the silhouette of Akira kneeling beside him, trying his best to help his friend. It stopped as sudden as it had begun.

"Feeling better?"

The same concern as before.

"Yes. Thank you very much. I don't know where that came from."

Was that relief on his face? Yusuke couldn’t really tell.

"Probably just a small insect you inhaled, or dust. Happens to me all the time, this isn't the cleanest place after all."

Now that he was beside him, Yusuke could see that Akira was smiling at him. Still, somehow his words didn't convince him, but he was too tired to figure out what was bothering him. Instead, he yawned, earning him the second chuckle he didn't understand this night.

"I seems I am finally tired enough to recline."

Akira nodded.

"Well, it is already past midnight. Let's call it a day and talk tomorrow."

And with that, Akira got to his feet, wishing him a good night before he flopped back onto his bed. Yusuke just layed down on the sofa once more and drifted into sleep while shaking off the thought that he might have just ingested an insect.

\---

When Akira got up the next morning, or rather afternoon, Yusuke was gone. Sojiro told him that he had left early to return to the dorms and that he had entrusted the Sayuri into his hands. Akira couldn't help but smile. Sometimes it was hard to keep up with the way Yusuke was thinking and acting, but in the short time he knew him, he had already become a good friend he didn’t want to miss. 

Stretching, he returned upstairs. Before Sojiro could rope him in for work, he needed to tidy up his room from yesterdays party a bit. When he put away the blankets he had lend Yusuke for the night, he noticed a small blue flower bulb, now flat from weight pressing down on it, on the sofa. A bit confused, Akira picked it up to look at it more closely. 

"A bluebell?"

Had one of his friends left it here? Maybe Ann had brought Shiho flowers to the hospital and it somehow got stuck on her clothes? Or maybe Yusuke had been picking some as reference for a painting? He would just have to ask them the next time they met.

**Author's Note:**

> Bluebell = Grateful
> 
> My tumblr -> [music-box-of-requiems](http://music-box-of-requiems.tumblr.com/)


End file.
